So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So much rum. So many feels.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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