in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
