He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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