It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
