I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
