Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
