rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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