They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Less talking, more tequila
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
