Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
