She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
