And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
