She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
