Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
