Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
