Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
