At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
