Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
