It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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