If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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