sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize