Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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