$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
