your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
