he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
