He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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