I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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