The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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