I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
