i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
