You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is it because I queefed?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
