just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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