I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
