I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
