2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
