Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize