the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i think i just lost a toe
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
