During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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