I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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