I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
