am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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