lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A+ Viking dick
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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