Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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