There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
