Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
