I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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