I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Randomize
