Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
