I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
