if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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