I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
