I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's a Shit stain on my heart
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize