do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
