I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize