Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
