I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize