i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
