ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
