So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
