omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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