It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
