She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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