Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
