You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
