I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
