I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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