well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
