So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
