well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
