He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think i have two assholes
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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