whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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