He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
