I can text with my tongue
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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