hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
