I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
