If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
